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Book Review #52 – Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray

‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ – most of us have read it and most of us have read it many times. The book was published in 1992 and has sold more than 15 million copies. It was written by John Gray, an American author, and relationship counselor.

I had read this book a long time ago. But I wanted to read it again from a different context. In this review, I will share if the book is still relevant in the 2019 world of women empowerment and equality. So, naturally, I am very excited about writing this review.

The title ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ has a universal appeal to it. And, it stands the test of time. John Gray enlightens the reader stating how men and women are different from each other. Their distinct emotional makeup and needs. Once we accept this, we can develop a better perspective and understanding … of each other as well as our relationship(s).

So, here are some of the best takeaways from the book

  • A woman feels motivated when she feels loved. Men, on the other hand, feel motivated when they feel useful. When both men and women fail to see this, this brings problems and creates tension in their relationship.
  • In the same way, when it comes to a problem, women want to talk about it. Men prefer to think in their heads and find a solution right there in their heads – in silence, while women like to communicate about the problem – mostly without advice or them trying to be solved by the listener. So, while both of them try to resolve it, their different approaches create a bottleneck.
  • Likewise, when communicating, men and women assign different meanings to the same words. In this respect, men are more literal. Whereas, women are more inclined to express themselves in words and expressions.

The differences between men and women are distinct. And, we have talked about them a lot in the past years. But things have changed now. And, when you read this book in 2019, you will see that some parts in the book are hard to digest.

First, everything that John Gray says, feels a little outdated (politically). Moreover, the book misses some of the most common issues of the modern world. Couples today are struggling with issues that are woven around money, finances, equality, and infidelity. And, this book doesn’t talk about them.

Going on, some of the things that Gray mentions are hard to relate to. But as a reader, you should understand that you are reading a book that was written at a different time. And, that addresses different problems and answers different questions. For instance, when Gray recommends couples that are having issues of communication to write love letters.

Anyone who reads this today will probably laugh hard.

Do I believe that the book should be revised to address the current issues? And, written so it befits modern values and perceptions?

Yes, of course! If the goal is couple counseling or improving your relationship, this book can be of little help. There are plenty of good suggestions that are still relevant and can be helpful in revisiting your current beliefs and perceptions. But it will not provide a thorough solution.

So, do I recommend reading this book?

YES … And here’s why. Written at a time when things were incredibly different, John Gray still manages to make some key points appeal in a timeless manner. And most importantly, the book gives us a great comparison.

Nearly two decades later, what are the relationship problems that we still fail to see and address?

Are men still from Mars, and women still from Venus?

Have we resolved the issues that the Gray talks about, or have we added more to the plate?

These are some interesting questions to keep in mind when reading the book. I bet you will be startled by what you find. So, go ahead and get your copy of one of the best-selling books in history and please share your thoughts.

Reviewed by;

Tonny Rutakirwa,


Tonniez Group Holdings,

Serving since 28th December 2008.


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